They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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