HIV tests are more positive than that guy
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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