I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
