This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
