how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she smelled like a LAN party
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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