When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You don't make any sense
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