So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
