Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
