oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I am naked and annoyed.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
