It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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