Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
