I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I AM VODKA MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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