I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
