i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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