I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
