My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
