he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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