Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
