i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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