It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
