I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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