saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
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I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
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My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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