I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
