she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
