well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
