the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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