did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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