We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
