dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
