I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
