i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
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Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
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You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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