I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
