my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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