You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
