Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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