batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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