So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
