Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
