Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Randomize
