I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
