I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
