The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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