when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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