He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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