im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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