I can text with my tongue
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
