While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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