i barfeds in our rink
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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