i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Randomize
