I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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