Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
