he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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