dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My breasts were aching with rage.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
