I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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