I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
