I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
