i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
