The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I won't apologize to a one balled man
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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