and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
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You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
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A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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