i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Your cock deserves a montage
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
