Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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