I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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