i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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