I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I need to align my fucking chakras
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