There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
