He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
