babies were throwing up all over the place
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
