I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
