Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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