i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
