if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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