He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
