Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize