haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
