nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just high enough for therapy.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
