8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
