I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
