So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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