oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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