he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
