Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
