I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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