So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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