is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
