I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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