also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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