trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
